Grief — Take Control of the Process

As you get past your first few days or weeks of grieving you have to start thinking on how to live again.  Some people have the luxury of plenty of time to mourn or grieve.   Most people have responsibilities to handle.  Bill collectors don’t care if you aren’t at your best.  Many times the loss of a loved one magnifies the responsibility of the one left behind.  Stress and grief can be a nasty combination.

I would think that the people who pass away would not want the ones they leave behind to suffer.  They would want to be missed but to be a cause of pain.

There are two schools of thought.  One is to deal with grief as it comes.  Got with the flow.  The other is to take control of your grief rather than letting it control you.

I believe very strongly in taking control.  This is supported by the points in the first paragraph.

Instead of letting grief drag you down into depression, take control.  The first thing to do is to set up a scheduled time to grieve.  Don’t try to stop the grief and sadness that hits you out of no-where, but also grieve at your scheduled time too.  Induce it, or start it.  I started my grieving by listening to one particular song.  It was, “Kiss from a Rose” by Seal.

It was my daughter’s favorite song at the time of her death.  It was easy, and made me a blubbering mess every time.  I decided when it started and when it stopped.  I quickly found that the times that I fell apart unexpectedly became fewer and fewer.  I also found that It was easier to face the day and get done what I needed to.  Over time it became harder and harder to start grieving at the scheduled time.  Eventually that phased itself out.  I grieve once in a while for my daughter, but it refreshes me and never controls me.

I would love to hear similar or opposing thoughts on this one.

Grief and Depression — Separate them.

Grief and Depression go together sometimes but are not the same thing.  Grief comes from the loss of something or someone who you care about.  Depression can be much more complicated and enveloping.  Basically its being unhappy to some degree.  Depression can be simple and short-term or complicated and long-term.  When you lose someone and are Grieving, keep in mind the differences.  Early on, Grief can be a “500 lb Gorilla on your back.”

You can Grieve but smile too!

 

Taking your next breath can be difficult, but it’s a process.  At some point you will forget for a little while.  Kind of by accident you will feel normal and “OK.”  Then you will remember and go back to Grieving.  Feeling guilty about feeling good for a little while can happen.  It’s OK to feel good.  Getting a break from grief is good.  Put into your mind that Grieving is a process of getting yourself back to being happy and functional.  You want to embrace “Grief” as a process while avoiding “Depression” as best you can.  Grief is a process, Depression is a result.

Our next blog will focus on taking control of your grief.

This blog sponsored by CMG Sprinkler and Drain.